Phoenix Tears
by Afterthought9
Summary: KaiXRay I guess. Kai hates himself and decides to end it all. I suck at summaries though so... Written for The Second Renaissance's competition. Warnings: Character death. Depression.


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story except for the plot… Well, the main idea comes from The Second Renaissance's competition, but the plot is mine.**

**Like I said, this is for a writing competition based on a pic of Kai and Ray… Yeah…**

* * *

_Dear Ray,_

_I've kept this a secret long enough and now I can't hold it in any longer so I'm just gonna come out and say it. I love you_.

"Ugh. That's horrible." Kai crumpled up the paper he was writing on. He tossed it to the floor and it landed near the washroom door. "Maybe I shouldn't write a note. Maybe I should just tell him." He reasoned.

The dual-toned blader turned towards his mirror and took a deep breath. "Ray, I'm in love with you. I have been for the longest time and…"

"And what Kai?"

Kai jumped at the sight of Ray standing in the doorway.

"Ray." Kai breathed out, the name sounding like heaven to the Russian.

Ray straightened up and crossed the room to stand in front of Kai. "Well?"

"I… I'm sorry Ray." Kai couldn't look into those enchanting golden eyes any longer.

"Don't be sorry Kai, I love you too." Kai looked up sharply and before he could say a word, Ray's lips descended upon his and Kai was lost in bliss.

Kai shook his head to clear his mind. No, there was no way that that would ever happen. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. How could anyone like someone like him? He was a cruel person. He rarely showed compassion for others let alone any emotion at all.

The Russian couldn't hold in his anger anymore. With an angry shout he punched his mirror, the glass shattering and shards embedding themselves in his knuckles while the rest of the broken glass fell to the floor.

But Kai couldn't bring himself to care, the pain of the broken glass barely matching the pain of his broken heart and self-loathing.

"Kai?" Ray's voice floated down the hall. He was probably in his room down the hall the both of them living in Tyson's house.

Kai stood sharply. "Ray! Uhh, don't come in.. I'm changing." He shouted as he closed the door. He ran to wrap his hand in an old towel and clean up the mess.

"Are you ok?" Ray asked from the other side of the door.

"Yeah fine." Kai opened the door, making sure to keep his right hand, the bleeding one, behind the door.

Ray smiled at him. "Hi Kai. I thought I heard glass shattering?"

Kai stared at him blankly although he was internally smiling at seeing his kitten's golden eyes. "No, you must be hearing things." He said with and unintentional coldness.

Ray nodded slightly but continued to stare into Kai's eyes as if searching for something.

"I'm fine." Kai repeated. He didn't know why he acted like this, he couldn't help it. He just wanted to open the door for Ray and let him in; let him see his wounds as he took care of them. Kai frowned at this train of thought; he wasn't talking about the door to his bedroom anymore was he?

The Russian wanted to berate himself for being so weak but it seemed like his kitten brought out the worst in him. The emotions, the weakness…

"Is that all?" He snapped.

Ray leaned back slightly as if trying to get away from Kai. "Yeah…" He nodded and gazed at the ground.

"Ok. Bye." Kai closed the door and slid down it. When he reached the ground he began to sob quietly. The silent tears sliding down his cheeks as his insides fought.

_You can't be weak, you can't show emotions. Forget him Kai_. One side shouted.

_Kai let Ray in! He can help you. Showing how you feel isn't showing weakness. It's ok to be human_. The other side argued.

Kai stood. He couldn't handle it anymore. He walked into his bathroom and unwrapped the bloody towel from his hand. He sat on the toilet seat and set to work picking the shards of glass out of his hand.

* * *

Ray sighed as he walked down the hall away from Kai's room. He couldn't ignore the feeling he got in his chest as he stared into those emotionless eyes. The pang of pain when he realized that Kai would never trust him enough.

Ray walked into his room and lay down on his bed. "Kai…" He whispered. His golden eyes wandered to a picture of Kai that was on the bedside table. It was taken on Kai's birthday when Tala had shown up and forced Kai to attend his own birthday party. Then he proceeded to take tons of pictures of the brooding blader, giving one to Ray. The one where Tala had said something in Russian to Kai and Kai had cracked a smile. A small one, but a smile nonetheless.

Ray reached out and picked up the picture. He let his fingers trace the ghost of a smile and smiled himself. "I love you Kai." Ray whispered as he closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep. To the land of dreams where anything could happen and Kai was his.

* * *

Kai glanced at his hands. It had taken three hours but finally, his hand was free of glass. With that problem taken care of, he washed his hands and bandaged the bloody knuckles. Then he walked to his bed and sat down. This wasn't the first time that he had done something like this.

Whenever Kai went somewhere with Tala, Tala always introduced him to people in the same way. "This is Kai; his hobbies are Beyblading, long walks on the beach, and being so cold, that he's hot."

Kai didn't have the heart to tell his friend to add self harm to that list.

"Maybe, I should just end it all." Kai said as he rolled onto his back. Whenever he closed his eyes Ray's face came into his mind. He let his thoughts to wander back to his little daydream.

"_I… I'm sorry Ray." Kai couldn't look into those enchanting golden eyes any longer._

"_Don't be sorry Kai, I love you too." Kai looked up sharply and before he could say a word, Ray's lips descended upon his and Kai was lost in bliss._

The scene replayed in his mind until Kai was sure that he could feel those beautiful lips on his. A smile came to Kai's face and he sighed happily. Suddenly, on what seemed like the hundredth replay of that reverie, it changed.

"_I… I'm sorry Ray." Kai couldn't look into those enchanting golden eyes any longer._

"_Sorry? Get away from me you disgusting fag! I don't want to look at you, talk to you or even think about you ever again!" Ray shoved Kai to the floor and left the room quickly in disgust._

Kai sat up quickly. He forced himself to calm down. "That would never happen… Ray is too nice to say that." _Even though it's true_. The small voice in his head added.

Kai let out a sob. It was true wasn't it? There was no way that anyone would love someone like him. Suddenly, thousands of scenes started playing in his mind. All of them were of Ray. Ray telling him what he already knew. What his mind told him every moment of the day. Those little truths that only the small voice inside was honest enough to say to him.

"_I hate you."_ Ray's voice whispered in his ear.

Kai threw the covers off of himself. Everything felt weird, as if in a trance. He got changed and ran out the door. He got into his car and drove down the road.

"_Waste of space_." The voice that had taken on the form of his beloved Ray whispered. "_No one would miss you_." No tears fell down Kai's face, no sobs echoed in his chest. "_The dead don't cry_." Ray hissed.

Kai pulled over at the side of the road. The road was on a cliff. Only a metal railway between him and the rocky face that was half submersed in cold water. Only a metal railway between him and death. His eyes followed the golden waves as they flowed towards the horizon. The rising sun cast a reflection across the water that was so beautiful, Kai forgot his deadly intentions. The colors of the waves and the clouds awe-inspiring. Reds, pinks, blues, gold...

_Gold_. Ray's golden eyes revealed themselves in Kai's mind and Kai stepped onto the plane between life and death. In Kai's eyes, his mind and soul were dead, his body still living and breathing.

Before he could take the last step over the edge, he heard a voice. "Kai!"

* * *

Ray's eyes flew open. He could have sworn that he heard the front door open. He looked out the window and saw Kai's car pull away. The raven haired blader stood and walked into Kai's room. He wasn't sure why he did it, he just did. What he saw there shocked him and made his blood run cold.

Broken glass mixed with blood on the floor and drops of blood near the door. Ray ran to the washroom where the trail of blood led and stopped just outside the door. He had stepped on something. The crunch of paper echoed through the empty room as he stepped off of it and picked it up.

Ray unfolded the paper and scanned the neatly written confession. "Kai… loves me." Ray blinked and felt a warm feeling flow through him. But before it could really sink in, Ray's heart skipped a beat. Ray dropped the paper and looked around. Where was Kai?

His mind processed the spatters of blood, the empty look in Kai's eyes, the crumpled up letter and Kai's late night road trip. Something clicked inside and within minutes, Ray was out the door and starting the engine of his car.

He drove along the road until another car came into view. He stopped the car and stepped out seeing his love standing on the cliff overlooking the water. "Kai!" Ray shouted as he ran towards him.

"Kai what are you doing?!" Ray screamed. He stopped in front of Kai and stared into Kai's eyes.

Kai tried to hold back the pangs of guilt at the sight of his kitten's frightened, pleading eyes. "Ray… I'm going to kill myself." Why lie? Why stall?

"You're… what?" Ray tried to hold back the sobs as Kai's words began to register in his mind. "Kai, no." Ray gripped onto Kai's hands.

Kai smiled softly. "I'm sorry kitten. There's no going back." He was about to step off the edge when a thought occurred to him. "But before I go…" He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Ray's.

Ray's already confused mind was shaken up again as Kai kissed him. The only thing she could feel were Kai's cold hands under his, all he could see was the terrifying plunge that no one could survive. As Kai's kiss made its way to Ray's mind, he was about to kiss back but Kai had already stepped back.

"Goodbye love." Kai whispered, nuzzling Ray.

Ray took a few milliseconds to register exactly what was happening but before he could open his mouth, Kai was no longer in front of him. Those cold hands were no longer in his and before he even knew it, his body was leaning over the railing screaming out the name of the boy he loved. The boy who was in his arms and kissing him only moments ago.

"Why Kai?! Why?!" Ray screamed. He didn't know what to do. So much had happened in the past half hour and his mind was swimming. Ray's body would soon take over control and walk the numb boy to his car. Drive him back to his house to announce the death of his captain to his team and lead him up the stairs into the bed of the one he loved the most to try and hold on to the memory and arrange his thoughts.

Soon, Ray's mind would wake up and go over the events of that early morning. The last few moments…

Kai, nearly at the bottom, stared back at him. In those few moments, Ray could feel Kai's pain. The emptiness that never went away, the longing that burned a hole in his heart and the loneliness and hate that tortured his insides and drove him to his end.

Kai, Ray soon would conclude, hated himself and moved on to a better place where he wouldn't be tormented by his mind anymore. But before soon became now, as the gold and black waves surrounded Kai's body, Ray said his last words to his love. "I love you too."

* * *

Now, Ray gazes up at Kai's ceiling. He feels the emptiness of this room that was Kai's prison. He stands and crosses the room to Kai's desk. He picks up the letter that had been cast away by both the writer and the person it was intended for.

Ray picks up the pencil and writes under Kai's message:

'_Kai, you told me you love me today. I never got the chance to tell you I love you too. Now you're in a happy place but I'll miss you. I will keep missing you until I have the strength and courage to climb over that railing myself. Until then, goodnight love. I'll see you soon.'_

Ray folds up the paper and puts it in his pocket, waiting until he composes himself enough to be able to go back to the cliff and deliver the letter to Kai without breaking down. Until then, Ray decides, he'll sleep and go back to the land of dreams where anything can happen and Kai is alive and his.

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**Umm ok… That probably sucked… Whatever. **

**Review please? They make me happy.**


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